As a new parent - I am just counting down the days until my little girl begins to talk, and what will come out of her mouth. My mother and wife continue to tell me that I am in for it as a father. They say that all the wrong doing and misbehaving I did as a kid will come back tenfold. I'm in trouble! So to celebrate the next few months before Emerson can speak back to me - I thought I would give a light hearted look at some of the funny quotations I found online of things little kids say.
Quick Quotations:
- "TNT." -- Given as an answer for a written spelling bee, when the teacher called the word "dynamite."
- "I'm glad I'm finally eight. This is the oldest I've ever been in my entire life!" -- 8 year old son.
- "Oh, well Mom said all I had to use was the sponge and dish detergent." -- 12 year old daughter, when her father told her he used elbow grease to get the dishes clean
- "Do they look after the Pokemon?" -- City kid, when asked what a gamekeeper does.
- "I have a rock in my nose." -- 2 year old son, greeting his mother after preschool, a full hour after recess was over.
- "Well, sometimes I say something mean to my brother, but I feel really good inside. Does that mean I'm a hypocrite?" -- 7 year old girl, after a Sunday School teacher explained that a hypocrite was someone who says one thing but feels something else.
- "Daddy, did your hair slip?" -- 3 year old son, to his bald but long bearded father
- "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath. I think it's printed on the bottom." -- 3 year old son, when his mother asked how his father knew the genders of four new baby kittens
- "How will that help?" -- Kindergarten student, when the class was instructed to hold up two fingers if any of them had to go to the bathroom
- "They didn't see it -- it was all cut off!" -- 2 year old son, when his mother was asked how his grandparents liked his new haircut
- "Tell me when you're asleep, ok?" -- 7 year old son, overheard talking to his 5 year old brother.
- "Well you're old, and you're not dead." -- "3 year old son, to his father. The comment followed an explanation of why the father's grandparents weren't around anymore.
- "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken. I'm looking for the seal." -- A young son, examining the contents of a box of Animal Crackers
- "Don't kid me, Mom, I know they're my feet." -- 3 year old son, when his mother told him his shoes were on the wrong feet
- "Mommy, you said it would be a shot; instead it was a needle!" -- Boy, overheard at the hospital
- "How do you put make up on your mind?" -- Girl, when told she should make up her mind.
- "I wish someone we knew would die so we could leave them flowers." -- 6 year old girl, upon seeing flowers in a cemetery.
- "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some email." -- 4 year old girl, misquoting the Lord's Prayer
- "Watch out, Daddy. Mommy's got her eye on you!" -- 4 year old girl, after hearing her mother telling her father that she'd take an I.O.U. for a promised restaurant dinner.
- "I didn't look much -- I've only got little eyes!" -- 7 year old, about to be scolded for peeking at her Christmas presents.
- "When you were my age, you was just a baby!" -- 5 year old.
- "Why don't they just do what they did in 1899?" -- On preparing for Y2K in 1999.
- Melanie asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Said Melanie, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."
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I Feel So Old:
• "This is the biggest CD I've ever seen!" -- On first seeing a record.
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Kid Stories:
The other day my five year old grandson was lounging on my lap.
• Him: "Poppop, you have hair in your nose."
• Me: "Everybody has hair in their nose."
• Him: "But you have a lot of hair in your nose."
• Me: "Well, it's not growing on top of my head very well. I have to grow it somewhere."
• Him: (thoughtful pause) "Do you want me to pull some of it out for you?"
I declined the offer.
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In a preschool class I used to teach, we had two little girls who played every day that they were characters from classic Disney cartoons. One day I heard one calling the other "Allison." I didn't know a single Disney character named Allison, so I asked the little girl who she was today. She replied, "Allison Wonderland."
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My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.
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A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
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A high school teacher asked when surfing was popular in the USA. A cheerleader in the class said, "The 60s." The teacher asked her to be more specific, and she said, confidently, "The 1960s."
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I had a party a few weeks ago, and a really good friend of the family had brought some cousins, about 7 and 5 years old. The older one looked up at a guest and said:
• Older Kid: "I bet you're 40."
• Younger Kid: "No, he's 80!"
• Older Kid: "85!"
• Younger Kid: "No, he's 100!"
• Older Kid: "He's not 100, that's when you die."
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In my Sunday School class, we discussed what we would give up for Lent. One eight year old girl said she'd give up homework. I replied that the idea was to give up something she liked. She said, "But I like homework!" A seven year old boy, in the same class, said he'd give up fighting with his brother. I asked if he could give it up for so long. He said, "Well, it's only until next week, so that's ok."
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I told my boys, aged 9 and 6, that I wanted to stop and get some hair coloring. My 6 year old asked what color I was getting and why. I told him that it was just to cover my gray and left it at that. They were like kids in a candy store, searching for the "perfect" color. We agreed on one, bought it, and left. That weekend, at church, a lady said she really liked the color of my hair. My 9 year old beamed and said, "Thanks, I picked it out!"
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A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side), put his hands up like claws, and roar. Step, step, ROAR, step step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. The crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing and was almost crying by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
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